Ever take inventory of your life and just feel disgusted? You can't see me right now (obviously, if you could that would be weird...stalker much?) but I'm totally doing that Blake Shelton thing where he uses his pointer finger to indicate that the singers on The Voice should select him as a coach. What I'm trying to say is ME! I feel disgusted, bloated with stuff and junk, over-caffeinated, over-scheduled, robotic, distracted, hostage to my own life. Where is the joy? Where is the contentment? Where is the purpose?
I think about how I arrived at this place and it's clear that it wasn't a conscious decision. I didn't wake up one day and just decide that I would choose to value activity and possessions over relationships. I didn't intend on demonstrating to my children that work product and perfection are the only ideals that matter. I didn't think that a seemingly random series of choices would develop the setting of my life and dictate the characters that I interact with on a daily basis. I feel stuck. How do I change? What do I get rid of? How do I lighten our family's schedule? How do I "minor on the minors" and "major on the majors"? I've been freaking out for so long about lone socks that don't make it to the dirty clothes hamper, the speed (or lack thereof) of the wifi in my house, the inability to merge my personal and work electronic calendars, and other such nonsense for so long that I'm not even sure if I have an adequate working knowledge of what the "majors" even are.
So, I'm drawing a line in the sand...a kind of "before" and "after", to kickstart a year-long conscious effort to take back my life, the life God intended for me. I'm not sure exactly what that looks like. I'm scared that I'm going to have to give up some things that are really important to me and to intentionally plan my days, not around activities, but around people and prayer. (I mean what if I don't like these "people" or worse, what if they don't like me?) I want to take Paul's advice in 1 Timothy 6:19 and "take hold of a life that is real" which is why I'm titling this journey the Unfake Life.
I would love it if you would join me. Maybe you have some of the same feelings I have or maybe you just want to be entertained, either way is fine with me. But if you choose to follow along there are a couple of things you should know, #1: I have absolutely no grasp on punctuation. For some reason I feel like I should formally apologize for this. I'm sorry. There really is no reason other than I. Don't. Get. It. Periodically, I just throw in a comma because the sentence looks too long and lonely. #2: This whole "year long experience to find myself" should probably start on a memorable day like New Year's Day or my birthday or something but because it's me and I'm a touch random it's going to start tomorrow, October 10, 2017. And #3: I don't expect to have a "perfect" life. I don't anticipate that on October 10, 2018 I will be magically changed into the ultimate wife, mom, co-worker, blah, blah, blah. I just want to make the most of the life I have. There is a HUGE possibility that no one will ever even read these words except for me...I'm okay with that too. There is just something about seeing your thoughts, dreams, aspirations, and "real" emotions in the written word that inspires commitment, change and ownership. Here goes nothing (or everything)...